Our Journey Of Treatments And Facing The Truth

This Blog is based on some earlier journaling I kept while we were going through our IVF process. The goal was not to tell anyone about the process until after it was over. We didn’t feel the need to share our experience, but it would be nice for those to know what we struggled with over the course of our infertility struggles.  It starts off with October of 2010 when we went to our first pre-IVF appointment.

Step One: Preliminary Appointment: With much effort and thought we have came up with the decision to get the loan needed for the rest of the money needed. The whole process was hard to pass up as my bosses were willing to work with me on the time I needed off work to do what is necessary to be done with the process. So here is what went down.

We thought the whole amount of IVF was going to be a total of 15k all together for a warranty program. The warranty program is something that guarantees you a pregnancy, if not, you get majority of your money back to put towards adoption or you can try for IVF again with a lesser rate of $2,500 per round.  This is only because they have already retrieved your eggs and they are frozen and ready to be placed. 

                So we set up a preliminary appointment on October 25^th 2010 to see what is left to be saved (as we already saved $12k) so we thought we were pretty close to our goal. After much visiting with a financial advisor we learned that $15k was just for the warranty program alone. Since we want to do the warranty program we would also have to do any medications that are involved to have extra reassurance. So this adds another $2500 to our amount needed. All together we would be paying over $18k for everything when all said and done. The catch was they needed the check two months before egg retrieval. Since we were already there we decided to sign up as we didn’t want to lose our position. This meant we had to act fast to get the cash needed to do IVF. They explained there were “on” and “off” times that were for IVF patients. This was the “off” time for the hospital, which meant they were bringing all new couples in at once to get them prepared for IVF. The “on” time was when they actually did all the retrievals and implanting for the patients (January-March). Derek was unsure of the commitment to sign on right then, but the doctor said we could call and back out at any time, but if we didn’t take the opportunity to sign up this time around we would have to wait until the next “off” time, which could be months and months away. That day they did all of our blood work and testing to make sure we qualified for their program and all looked good and clear. I had to follow up with a small blood sample for my FSH levels, but they called me right away with my results and informed me that we passed with all their requirements.

                The financial advisor gave us a few different banks that specialized in these kinds of loans so we could act fast. Act fast we did! Normally we wait around and save more and try not to even think about borrowing money from anyone. We got home that afternoon and started calling around immediately. Within 24 hours we were approved for a loan and picked up a check the following day for $6000.

                Everything we do for the IVF process is according to my cycle. So we go step by step with each (November and December) cycle (period) I have. For the month of November we were only set to take a form of bacterial cleansing medicine together on the first day of my cycle. This was to clear out any possible bacteria (that could cause us to get sick) to get us started on our process. Then I am set to take birth control for the month of December. I will have to start my pills the first day of my December cycle and call the doctors immediately. From there they will set up an appointment for our injection teaching. This will allow us to start giving me hormone injections to prepare my body for egg retrieval in January and to carry baby as well! I am not exactly excited for having more injections in one month than I have had my whole life, but I know it will all be worth it in the end.

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We are officially into the month of January. This is the month when everything is planned to happen… We will begin the full process of IVF. Though, I have tried hard to eat healthier these last couple months it has been a struggle. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas with the family and all that yummy food it makes it so hard to indulge. Now that it is the second day of the New Year I will be happy to start fresh and eat fresher… Starting with my morning organic yogurt.. After my sugared coffee!

I may not be much of a writer, but I can surely do my best to explain how this journey will treat me and its progress. We have already wasted a couple months of waiting and pre-planning how this process will work. Those months (November & December) seemed to go by really slow, but the process is officially under way as of this coming Wednesday (Three days away). We begin our first round of shots!!

The shot process comes in a series of events. First I start taking a medicine called Leuprolide. This medication is given in a form of a shot into my thigh. I am to have one shot a night around the same time starting January 5^th. Then I have to stop taking my birth control (this was used to control my hormone levels so it’s easier to pinpoint the cycle in January) on January 8^th and wait for my period to start and call the hospital that day to have a blood test done. There is a series of events that have to happen (blood work and ultra sounds) in order to keep track of when to start the next series of shots. There are also going to pills involved, but those don’t get explained to us until later. The series of shots go Leuprolide (in the thighs, alternating each night), Follistim Pen (in the lower stomach, which I can alternate sides), and Repronex (which will be given in my hip, altering sides if needed). These are all different hormones to help with our IVF process that will help stimulate my eggs and make my uterine lining healthy for baby to attach.

So, on this note, I must say I am getting very nervous about theses shots. We did a practice shot at the hospital where I had to lie on my side and let Derek give me a shot of practice meds. This was not as painful as I anticipated, but after many nights of this, I could be in for a rude awakening! I have never liked getting shots and always looked away when given to me.

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Here we are almost one week down of using Leuprolide. I was very much dreading the idea of getting daily injections in my thigh, but after the first couple of days it seemed to be getting easier. The concept was a lot harder to deal with than the actual shots. I still can’t grasp the idea of watching my husband insert the needle but I am able to cope with the rest of it (mental). We do a shot in my thigh each night (alternating thighs).

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Here we are way behind on my blogging. Can’t believe this month is almost over already! We have three more days left for the month of January.

                It all started out with me taking my Leauprolide for over a week and then adding in the follistem (injection pen to the lower stomach). I did these two shots every night until January 19^th and that’s when I added in the third shot. The third shot I started taking in the hip was called Repronex. This was a kind of painful shot as it messed with my muscles. I would take all three shots (one right after the other) for five nights straight. Then I would stop and take a HCG (trigger shot) the next night (Monday the 24^th). This would ensure that my eggs were ready for retrieval on January 26^th at 8:30 am.

                On Wednesday we got up really early to get ready for retrieval and headed in. I was put under so they could retrieve my eggs. .The whole procedure lasted a total of 25 minutes to retrieve all eggs. It turned out they retrieved 34 eggs, but two died right after retrieval. So that left us with 32 eggs to try and fertilize over night.

                On Thursday morning (the 27^th) we got a devastating call from the doctor saying none of our eggs fertilized on their own. Some had died due to not fertilizing on time and she did her best to save the rest by ICSI (Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection: Injecting a single sperm into an egg). She would call is by 8:30 p.m that evening to let us know the progress of our hopeful little ones.

                The whole day was agonizing for both Derek and I. We cried most of the day wondering why this happened and worried that the others would not survive.

                Finally, the phone rang and we received some decent news. The doctor told us that there has been progress and some development in the embryos. She would call us back on Friday (today) to let us know more.

                So far we still have some embryos doing their job. Some are moving along slower than others, but they seem to be growing somewhat.

~ That was the last entry before everything else happened. We had such an eventful few days. When Monday (day 5) rolled around they were able to transfer two embryos into my uterus. The whole hour we were in the transfer room Derek and I were so giddy. We couldn’t stop laughing at the idea and kept joking about the concept of how we were getting pregnant. For us, it was a way to feel relieved about the process being over and the hopes of our little babies sticking.

                We knew before they transferred two that they were pre-mature due to not fertilizing in the first 24 hours. They showed us a photo of all nine that were left out of 34 and had picked the best two that were available. Of these nine, they were unable to grade them like they would a normal embryo (A being the best and c being a lower quality). We were putting the best two out of nine in without knowing what the real quality was. This made us even more determined to make our little ones stick. After all, we have a double chance of at least one staying with us.

 The second we got home Derek made sure I stayed sitting in the chair and not moving around too much. We knew that we didn’t have to be overly cautious because most people could get pregnant standing up! We just wanted to be safe and make sure they both stuck. We spent the next 24 hours talking to our little embryos and telling them how much we wanted them. The whole time we waited for testing to see if it worked, we were a little skeptical. We did our best to stay positive, but a lot can run through your head while waiting for two weeks to hear results. There were a few miner pulls that made me think that something could possibly be sticking, but we wouldn’t be sure until the day of testing.

                Finally, testing day had arrived. I woke up early to go get blood work before I went to work. When I arrived at the hospital they took some blood and said I would hear from them later that morning. When my phone rang at noon there was a slight hesitation to answer (we happened to be at the library of all places). I answered only to hear her say they need to draw more blood. Apparently the blood they took before managed to clot up and they needed a fresh sample. After all we had been through they definitely weren’t hesitant to add to the anticipation!

                It wasn’t until I got home that evening and Derek and I checked our message together. We were sad and disappointed to find out that it was negative. Apparently something had attached enough to leave some hormone in my blood, but not enough to stay alive. This seemed to shock us a little, but we knew that after the fertilization didn’t go well that we shouldn’t expect a miracle.

                There it was. After months of hard work (Derek will say mostly my work), we came out empty handed. It took a few days to let things sink in on what had just happened, but we were able to meet with the doctor again to discuss our results.  Unfortunately, our case was a less than 1% case on how things went during the cycle of IVF. It was rare enough that they didn’t even have a protocol for it. They encouraged us to do it a second time so they could learn from the first “hiccup”. To us, this was us wasting away thousands of dollars so they could experiment with our future. We couldn’t allow the gamble and had to walk away.

                It took months to start feeling better about things again. The one thing that always made us feel better was that we had each other to rely on. We knew we wanted a biological child and an adoptive child and always talked about adoption before we even went through this long process. When the time came, we decided to try ivf because the doctors were so sure of it working even though we were already calling agencies about adoption.

Some people say how harsh infertility can be on their marriage. To some, it can cause divorce because of all the stress. For others (us), it causes a couple to feel closer and more intimate about their relationship. We have learned to cope with even the most difficult situation we could ever be dealt with. We will always know, that from here on out, there isn’t a thing that we can’t make it through together. Many couples can say they are very much in love, but there will never be a bond like the one we built in our years of infertility and struggles. We know that people will come and go, but we will always be able to count on each other.