A quiet day..

Today has been a very slow paced day. Will have a meeting later, but children are sleeping now and making me tired.. so must keep busy!

I was just thinking back to our very first ultrasound and how just a few weeks ago we were excited to see our little peanut... Then all of a sudden, boom, we are having two. The feeling was pure joy and utter shock. We were very happy and then the fears all set in of "what if".  Luckily, we have been given a wonderful amount of good news. Though we are pretty in the clear for the higher percentage of things, there is still always worry. When going to my ultrasounds and seeing them, it puts my mind at ease. Then after a few days of not seeing them, I feel worried again. Don't get me wrong, it's not a major stressed out worry, but a minor "it can happen". We are planning ahead and mentally prepping for two, but you can still have stuff go wrong. Mostly, I think it all goes back to our fears of the last five years of hearing bad news. The good news is amazing and makes your feel cautiously optimistic.  

   Imagine spending 5 years in a nightmare of nobody knowing what was wrong with you and spending thousands of dollars and voluntary surgeries, only to come up empty handed. One day you get one last shot and you optimistically take the shot knowing that the end result will be negative as always, but only it turns out to be positive. You are mentally set on the negative results you are used to that these positive results are a shocker. You weren't going to cry at hearing the negative because your heart has grown used to it, but the positive makes you cry hysterically. That's where all the disbelief comes in and you spend weeks having the doctor reassure you that the positive did and IS happening. Who would have thunk?!?!