How are YOU doing?

I'll be honest, I don't know if anyone reads my blog anymore or if anyone even still "blogs". It is a great way to share events and news as well as your thoughts with others. Today I will share what is on my mind.

 There are many cases out there of families struggling in one way or another. Mine happens to be my husbands illness. Some days he can't get out of her and others we can do fun family things. The funner days are getting to be more than the bad days thanks to medications. I'll tell you though, I feel soo awful for him and know it's not a walk in the park. Not for any of us.

 One question I am always asked is, "how is Derek doing?". For me, I am used to this and can be quick to answer. This happens often since he can go up and down on feeling well. There are rare times that these words come out, "How are you doing with all of this?". BOOM! ...What? I am caught off guard and don't know how to respond. Did somebody really just ask about me? Hmmm. 

 Here is the truth, I am managing. For better or worse, those vows are strong. I love my husband and I try my best. It's exhausting being a single mom to twins when my husband needs to be in bed. It's scary to think about doing things alone. I surely wish we had more help. I think he is an amazing dad and does more than he should when feeling yucky. Me? Well, I am exhausted and at times want to cry. I get frustrated when I'm left alone so he can rest, but he really does need it. It's amazing how I can't answer that question so easily! 

 Here is the thing, just being asked that question is enough to melt my heart. It is very rare and I remember the very first time I was asked that. It was 3-4 months after his diagnoses that I was asked how I was doing. My response: I started to cry in relief knowing someone cared how I felt. 

 I think of this as a hope that everyone takes time to think of who all is part of a situation. Stop and ask everyone how they are feeling and not just the sole person. Everyone is suffering in some way and it's important to make them priority too. Spouses are a huge support system and they deserve acknowledgment as well. 

9 months

Gage and Zoey are 9 months and counting. So thankful for them, but they are growing way too quickly. 

8 months

A little camera fun for their 8th month. We have made it another month into parenthood. I have to say we are both exhausted as things have changed. Both babies have turned into newborn sleeping habits again. Yuck! No, really, it's not that bad, but we are extremely tired from being woke up at night. 

 This last month has been an exciting one though. Zoey is climbing on top of things and pulling things off of shelves like crazy. We call her hurricane Zoey. Can't believe she will be walking soon! Gage is doing fantastic as well. He is worming his way to things and dragging toys out. He tries to pull himself onto things, but doesn't realize he isn't as coordinated to stand :-/  He does sit up on his own and tends to climb on the television stand. These two keep us very busy. So thankful we decided to try one last time for these miracles. Happy belated Thanksgiving all!!

Fall Fun

6 month photos

Derek's Health

Let's start off with baby updates as they had their 4 month check up a week ago today. Gage was weighing in at almost 14 pounds and Zoey weighed in a little over 11. This wasn't as big of a jump as I guessed, but still great for their sizes. They are growing longer and catching up in the percentiles. Still amazes me sometimes that they both fit in my belly... until I see my reminder marks. HAHA. Not enough Organic Cocoa Butter for this belly!
 We start music class this September at West Music. It's very exciting as they are starting to do soo many things and talk a ton. Gage loves to read books and look at the pictures. He seems to have figured out how to turn the pages. His favorite book is "That's Not My Frog". He is very close to rolling over, but hasn't given it much efforts as he is content on his belly or back. We say he is very laid back and likes to take in conversation.The best part is when he watches Zoey and tries to talk to her. She hasn't quite been intrigued by him yet. Zoey has been rolling over since 3 months and is really pushing herself to crawl. She hasn't got her arm strength quite there, but we know it's coming soon. Right now they both play with toys a ton and chew, chew, chew. They chew on toys and their hands like crazy. Zoey has found her feet with her hands so it looks like she is pushing all the time! Way too entertaining. They have had many firsts this month. We have taken them to swing at the park, swimming at the pool, and watched the parade (Gage Slept through the firetrucks and Zoey kept her eyes on the ponies). Love them to pieces.
  Derek had a follow up with his Rheumatologist yesterday. He has been having a really bad flare up this month and it won't seem to go down. They had him finally down to 20mg of prednisone (as he was at 60mg in March), but upped it back to 30mg yesterday since he wasn't doing well. His four rounds of infusions he did while I was on maternity leave don't seem to be helping so they have finally put him on a different drug. He started Methotrexate today and hoping for this to work and put things into remission or they will have to keep trying stronger drugs until we find one that works. It is very nerve wracking watching him go through the pain as it is, but adding these scary side effect can be even worse. They will be testing his bone marrow monthly to make sure its not deteriorating with this new drug. Each day has been a challenge for him and he tries so hard to make it to work. This week he has missed most days. I told him I don't care if he works or not as his health is most important. If we have to sell and live in a dinky apartment, I am find with that!
 For now, we just spend as much family time together as possible when he can function. Going outside is hard for him as the light hurts his eye. His vision has been okay, but a little wonky at times. Just thankful he isn't blind since we found this just in time!!

As for me... I hold down the fort as well as possible and that's all that matters. I do get out daily for boot camp (great stress reliever), but totally need a real breather once in awhile. Thank goodness for Derek's mom. Could use all the support we can get right now and she definitely helps out a ton!

4 months and counting..

Totally just spent an hour blogging about Derek's health condition update and babies, but it got lost. Will have to try again soon :-(